Waiting

Being ill means to wait. Saturday my father has been recovered in the hospital. Preparation for the operation did not start before Sunday evening. The rest was just waiting. I did not manage to sleep much, as I suppose my dad and mom could not either. Luckily Elio e le storie tese was playing in Catania. Edo and I attended their concert, at the university campus, together with a multitude of students and fans. It was just the stupid kind of fun I needed so desperately that night, it was just perfect.

Monday woke up at 6, and drove to the hospital, where my father was waiting. At 7:30 they guided him to the surgical room; I kissed him good luck, and did not know whether that was the last time I would see him. I left my mom there waiting, and preferred to go home to wait. Operation ended around 14:30, so I went back to the hospital and waited there for the intensive care room to open its doors.

I was allowed in, and there I saw my father, lying on a bed, hanging on machines. He was conscious, awake, and experiencing deep pain and begging for help. I hate hospitals, I hate the rotten orange smell hanging around; I hate facing pain, facing helplessness, and my ignorance. I hate my fear. I could not pass out, so I opted for sweating my claustrophoby. Running away was no option, so I put my panic in the waiting mode, and counted the seconds between me and the end of this visit.

In my soaked clothes I waited for the intensive care host to help us through the bureaucracy. Medical data are still passed with huge paper directories, which are filled by hand with all kind of incorrect data. Every hospital department fills those forms again and again, and manages to credit the patients with diseases they never had, make them younger or older, and eventually changing their gender. I undersigned a number of statements, including any discharge of responsibility for the hospital; never discussed those kind of things with my father, I had no legal right in signing those papers.

Operation succeeded, and my father makes a reasonable chance of surviving this, still we will have to wait for some check-ups to confirm the good news. Went home. I haven’t had lunch, so I decided to fast the whole day and skipped dinner as well. In the city Charlie’s Angels were going to play some celebrating songs for me – but that’s the story of another post…