Laptop

Two weeks ago they have stolen my laptop.

This is dedicated to the thief.

Thief, you h've got my laptop, but remember, you can sell it, dismount it and use its motherboard, exchange it for money, sex or drugs, but it will always be my laptop.
Listen to my curse, since when you'll google an address you will be sent to the wrong one, and everyphone number you will look-up with internet will be busy. May the wireless link re-direct you constantly to the Disney.com site. May your fingers be stuck in it, when you close it down, with great pain and sorrow. And may the laptop lock for at least 3 minutes with your fingers in it. May your inbox be full of chain-mail with endless animated powerpoint. May the laptop only be able to send emails with the text "I'm an idiot". May bullet list be the only paragraph style available in word. May the cursor curse you, and the pointer get the shape of a middle finger. May the language automatically change, randomly jumping between bulgarian and finnish. May the webcam automatically turn and point constantly to your navel. May the calculator return you always the wrong results, and may you believe to them. May all your MSN contact be forwarded to your girlfriend. May all your archive uncompress, reverting the directory structure so that root will always be at the lowest hierarchy level. May the laptop, while you try to show the picture of you last holiday to your parents in law, play the video featuring you desperately in love for a teddy bear. May a virus infect the BIOS, and may you, after 3 days and night spent in cleaning up the mess, see the computer format all the hard-disks and convert to DOS. May the battery fail, and the adapter explode, damaging the power net of your house. Because for wherever place you will go, that will always be my laptop.